But Mommy, I love Cheezies!

I thought it was important to talk about allergies because sometimes allergies can mimic other disorders like ADHD. My oldest daughter developed a rash around her mouth when she was little and would get an upset stomach, diarrhea, headaches and at times would be very hyperactive. Our doctor confirmed that she probably had some kind of food allergy. Without subjecting to her to blood work which I didn’t want to do at the time, we were left to either keep a food diary or do an elimination diet.

We chose to do the elimination diet where she was eating pretty much only plain rice every day and bananas. After a week the rash had completely gone away. Keeping her on that diet was a struggle. I tried not to let her see us eating other foods that she enjoyed and we kept busy during the day so she wouldn’t think about wanting to snack. On the weekend however, she saw her brother eating Cheezies, one of her favourite things at the time and we finally caved and let her have one. The reaction was instant, red rash around her lips and she was very hyper. I knew that she was definitely allergic to something in those Cheezies. It turns out; she is allergic to Monosodium Glutamate. To confirm this we avoided all foods with MSG after this and the rash went away again and she was back to her old self. Whenever she accidentally consumed the MSG we would notice a rash again, but not always around her mouth, sometimes it would be on her arms or stomach. We would give her Benadryl and make sure to be more careful about our food selection in the future.

As a Child and Youth Counselor what I learned from my daughter’s food allergies is that it is important to rule this out when dealing with a child who is having difficulty concentrating at school or is displaying hyperactivity. Allergies and other health problems such as thyroid problems, low blood sugar or an insufficient diet can cause our bodies to act differently so it’s important to see your doctor and rule out these possibilities.

Below are some common food allergies to watch out for:

Milk (cow or soy)

Grains (wheat or gluten)

Additives (MSG, red and yellow dye, sulfites)

Berries (strawberries)

Tree nuts

Chocolate

Tomatoes

Shell fish and other fish

If you suspect your child has an allergy then there are many websites that can help you with elimination diets, food journals, etc. If your child is older or is suffering from a severe allergy, it is best to see your doctor for a blood test.

Dealing with an anaphylactic (life threatening) food allergy is very serious and unlike my daughter’s allergy, a child with this type of allergy must carry an Epi-pen with them that will provide them with some extra time to get to the hospital after coming in contact with an allergen. It is very important that everyone in your child’s life knows that your child has a life threatening allergy and how to administer the Epi-pen.

Whatever your child’s allergy, it is also important to educate your child. Teaching your child what foods to avoid and why will save them a lot of discomfort. They must learn to read labels and speak up when they are at school or a friend’s house about their allergy. The good news is that over the last ten years of my daughter having an MSG allergy, I have noticed an improvement in food labelling, awareness and an increase in MSG free options for her. Overall, a family can help a child to live with a food allergy by keeping the food allergen out of the home, eating simple and healthy meals and snacks and educating others.

Keeping the Winter Blahs Away!

While us Canadians haven’t had too bad of a winter this year, I find we still get a little stir crazy by the end of January and if you aren’t one of the lucky ones to go South then we need to find a way to make the best of it here at home.

Below are some ideas for bringing a little fun and excitement into your life over the winter months:

v  Mexican Night – fill a piñata with candy and dollar store items and hang it from the rafters in your rec room, make homemade burritos, nachos and/or tacos. Let the kids colour Mexican flags to decorate your house. You can even get some sombreros to wear and maracas to shake.

v  Have a regular family game night where everyone gets a chance to choose a game. Some of our favourites are monopoly, Scrabble, Yahtzee, go fish, Pictionary and Wii bowling.

v  Have a movie night – make different flavoured popcorn, make the room dark, turn the phones off, get your favourite blankets and cuddle up on the couch together.

v  Go Camping in the Living room – one of my kids favourite memories is having a ‘camp in’, my husband would get the big box fan out and put a fitted sheet around it, turn it on and voila, instant tent! You can get your sleeping bags out, sing camp songs, have a chocolate fondue with marshmallows instead of roasting them and tell stories.

v  Hawaiian Luau – I saw some little umbrellas and leis at the dollar store yesterday which inspired this blog and I thought how fun it would be to have some friends over on the March break and pretend we are somewhere warm together. Virgin Piña coladas for the kids, dressing up in bright flowered shirts and having a hula hoop challenge are just some of the ideas I have for our get together. Another fun idea is to have an indoor sandbox for the kids; you can put play sand inside a baby pool or if you’re not that brave, you can give them a big bin of rice or beans to play with.

v  Baking is always a fun and tasty thing to do in the winter. Having the oven on, on a cold wintery day and the smell of cookies or bread baking is so nice. There are so many recipes online to choose from, home-made pizza dough, bagels, etc.

v  Home Renovations – even little kids can help to design and paint a room and teaching older children how to hammer nails and putty drywall are good life skills to have. It’s a rewarding feeling to say that your family worked on a new room together.

v  Kids Yoga – get your family in shape by teaching your little ones some fun animal yoga poses. If you need help, go to You Tube and search ‘kids animal yoga poses’.

v  Play Games – hide and seek, musical chairs, and night at the museum (turn the lights down low and give one person a flashlight, they are the museum guide who shines it on each ‘statue’ and if they catch the statue moving or laughing then they are the new guide) are a few of my kids favourites.

v  Tea Party – even if you don’t have all girls, a tea party can still be fun (my husband has been to many!), have everyone dress up, make some little sandwiches and get out the fancy dishes and table cloth.

v  Crafts – my kids all love doing crafts. A trip to the dollar store can provide you with paper, glue, stickers, cotton balls, paper plates, popsicle sticks, glitter, etc. There are many ideas online but some that we’ve had fun with are popsicle stick houses, bean filled tambourines, paper bag puppets, and cards for Grandma and Grandpa.

Teaching Social Skills

Having worked with children with exceptionalities, I’ve found that something that other children often take for granted and learn naturally that others don’t is social skills. Social skills are all those little things that we do in social settings that we often don’t think twice about. We use manners, introduce ourselves, shake hands, make eye contact and pause to listen to others.

A child that has missed parts of their normal social development due to illness, cognitive delays or abuse, may need to go back and learn some of these skills over again. It really depends on where the child is at with their social skills as to where you’d begin with your teaching. Below are some suggestions as to what they may need to work on and how you can teach it.

Eye Contact – At times, children may not make eye contact or see the importance in it, they may need reminders to make eye contact during a conversation. Please note that not all cultures see eye contact as an important part of social awareness.

Minimal Encouragers – These are things like nodding your head or saying “Uh huh” during a conversation that let others know that you are paying attention. You can teach a child to do this by using flash cards that tell them when it is an appropriate time during a conversation to nod their head.

Greetings – Learning to say “Hello” or “Good Morning” is an important step for a child as it is the way that people know that we are friendly and happy people who they will want to get to know better. A good way to teach your child is to model greetings yourself, get them to practice greetings with their family at home and through role playing with siblings or even stuffed animals.

How to ask a friend to play – Having a friend to play with at recess is so important to children; if your child is struggling to make friends, get the school on board. Perhaps they can pair your child up with another student who can help them ask others to play. Role playing at home with a family friend or sibling is again, a great way your child can practice asking someone to play without the fear of rejection.

Taking Turns – Teaching a child to take turns can be done by playing simple board games where you must take turns. Another way to teach this is by trading toys with your child “It’s my turn with the truck but you can have the car”.

Saying Good Bye – Children that lack social skills don’t always think about saying good-bye, see you later or have a good night, when someone is about to leave. Just like teaching Greetings, you can model farewells and have them practice them at home. Sometimes your child will just need a reminder and you can come up with a signal that will help them to remember what they are to say.

Manners – saying please and thank-you is not always obvious to young children or those with delays. It is important to model good manners, prompt your child and practice whenever you can.

Having a Conversation – Carrying on a conversation is a much bigger social skill than we tend think it is, since most of us do it all the time. During a conversation, we do many things that let the other person know that we are listening, are interested in what they are saying and have something interesting to say back to them. When teaching a child about having a conversation, we first need to teach them to talk about an appropriate topic. If we can find a topic that interests our child, that is a good place to start. Often a popular television show is something they can use to start a conversation with a peer. Practice a conversation at home with them. Use flash cards or hand signals to teach your child when they should pause and allow the other person to talk, when to nod their head, use eye contact, etc. Watch television shows together and pause them to show your child examples of how people pause, etc.

A great resource for teaching social skills can be found at http://www.modelmekids.com/.

Thought I Was Doing a Good Job!

Why is it so infuriating when someone criticizes our parenting? I am wondering this because a parent of my daughter insinuated lately that I’m not strict enough when it comes to parenting.

Part of me thinks that we are afraid deep down that we’re going to screw up our kids and that we’re not doing all that we can to make sure that they’re healthy, learning everything they can and feel good about themselves at the end of the day. The other part of me thinks that some days it’s just darn hard work and if we’re working this hard at it, then we must be doing something right. Right?!

We see a show like ‘America’s Got Talent’ and there are children who can dance, sing and perform amazing stunts at such young ages and we wonder if we should have gotten our children into ‘this’ or ‘that’ at a younger age. Did we miss out on a special skill that our child may have had or with a little perseverance would my child have become a musical prodigy? Then we see a glimpse of ‘Toddlers in Tiaras’ and we think the opposite!

As parents we spend a good part of our day doing one thing or another for our children. We feed them, make sure they are dressed in clean clothes, get them off to school, go to work so we can make money for more food and clothes, then we’re helping with homework, taking them to extracurricular activities, feeding them again and making sure they’re getting a good night’s sleep. We drive them to practices at 5:30 in the morning and we spend ridiculous amounts of money on equipment that may end up in the shed next year.
Somewhere in between there, we’re absorbing advice from friends, family, coworkers and Dr. Phil and trying to add a multivitamin to our child’s morning routine and use more vegetables in our shepherd’s pie at dinner.

So, if after all this, someone comes to us and criticizes our job as parents, I think we just may be justified if we take offense to it, even though, I’m trying hard not to.

Childcare, A Good Fit for Your Family and Your Child

Finding great childcare for your child is first about figuring out what you consider ‘great’ childcare. Do you and your partner agree on what childcare should look like for your child? Here’s a checklist of things that you may view as important for your child:

ÿ        Individual attention

ÿ        Academics

ÿ        Nurturing

ÿ        Help with toileting

ÿ        Proximity to home and school

ÿ        Behaviour management

ÿ        Close friends

ÿ        Daily walks

ÿ        Park and community outings

ÿ        Creative freedom

ÿ        Nutritious meals

ÿ        Home cooked meals

ÿ        Cultural teachings

ÿ        Cartoons and movies

ÿ        Crafts

ÿ        Story time

ÿ        Home setting

ÿ        Lots of other children to play with

ÿ        Other: (many other qualities you may think of)

Once you have an idea of what is most important to you from the list above, you then need to start looking around at what is available in your area. You have a number of choices when it comes to childcare such as a daycare centers, preschools or Montessori schools, home daycares or a nanny or relative.

Daycare centers are located in most neighbourhoods and they provide fairly standard care at the going rate. They offer nutritious meals, activities and socialization with other children. There are benefits to going with a daycare center, there is structure and routines that are a good preparation for school and they are licenced and run by educated staff.

Daycare centers obviously vary in what they offer, from playgrounds and formalized curriculums to cameras that you can access online to check in on your child. Some of the newest daycares where I live are now connected to the new public schools and make for an even easier transition from ‘preschool’ to kindergarten. Montessori schools are centers whose philosophy is child development through independence and creativity. Children are given more choices and there are less rules imposed on them in order to stimulate their ability to explore.

Home daycares vary to greater degrees than daycare centers, which means parents must do more leg work initially to find a good fit. It could be worth it though. Home daycares are often more affordable, offer more individualized attention and can still provide the education piece that many parents are looking for. Home daycare providers can also be in your neighbourhood and offer before and after school care once your child is in school which provides them with consistency.

The last choice you have is you or your spouse. If after going through the process of looking for suitable childcare, you don’t find any, then perhaps you have overlooked the possibility of extending your parental leave, switching to a part time position or even quitting your job to stay home with your child. No one can really make this decision for you, it has nothing to do with how much you love your child, and it has everything to do with your own personal career and financial goals and how they fit with parenting. Whatever your decision, if you’ve done your homework, you can rest easy that it will be a good fit for your family and your child.

The Shy Child

I was a painfully shy child so it’s not surprising to me that my own children also were shy. My first day of kindergarten I held in a cough all day because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself! My son had a huge meltdown when I tried to take him to a new craft class and he refused to go. My middle daughter (who is now very outgoing) use to give me the grip of death when I tried to drop her off at kindergarten (God Bless that teacher who was willing to peel her off of me every day) and my third child, also a girl, has also been attached at my hip for most of her young life! I even became a ‘Sparks’ leader when I discovered that was the only way I was going to get her to try out Girl Guides!

While I don’t think shyness is always a bad thing, I do think that it’s something that over time most of us can overcome so that it doesn’t prevent us from being the social butterflies that we desire to be. For my own kids, it was about being comfortable in a new environment. It took some of them longer than others but once they knew that they were going to school every day, whether they liked it or not, they managed and even grew to enjoy it.

Please note that there is a condition called school phobia and I once worked with a young girl that had this condition. It may present as severe shyness, however it usually involves physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, nervous twitching and even nausea. The child may refuse to go to school and if forced, may refuse to speak, eat or interact. They may cry the entire time and not engage in activities. The physical symptoms will often disappear on the weekends. If you suspect that your child may have school phobia then it’s important that you see your family doctor and speak with the school about what supports could be put in place. What may help a student with this disorder is gradual entry to school (a shortened day), having a teaching assistant for reassurance and therapy to help them deal with their anxiety.

Personally, I believe that many of us have a tendency to be shy and that it’s okay. In fact quiet people are often preferred over loud flagrant people when it comes to shy children. My daughter opens up much quicker to people that aren’t ‘in her face’ or trying to force her to talk or engage in an activity. Shy children and adults, don’t like being centered out but often they are 'taking in' everything around them and can be quite perceptive when it comes to the world around them.

Below are some tricks that I’ve used to help my own children overcome their shyness:

      v  Use your child’s strengths and likes to get them involved in activities

v  Expose your child to many different situations, take them with you grocery shopping, to the arena, library, church, etc. so that they can get comfortable in the different environments

v  Talk to your child’s teacher about their shyness so that they are on board at helping them to ‘come out of their shell’ gradually without directly centering them out

v  If a child has to do a presentation in front of the class, don’t allow them to see that you’re worried. Express to them in a nonchalant way that you are confident in their ability to do so and make sure that they practice lots so they are well prepared

v  Often shy children are not so shy at home where they are comfortable, so have them engage in acting out skits and role playing social situations like meeting a new person, so they are better prepared when it happens in the real world

v  Allow your child to wave, smile, give thumbs up, etc. instead of talking when someone greets them in public so that they are still engaging but don’t have to speak if they don’t want to and so that you aren’t always speaking for them

v  Exchange a special item with your child before they go to daycare or school

v  Some children like to have a calendar or daily schedule so they know what to expect that day, while other children may worry too much about an upcoming dentist appointment, etc. so gage whether this would help your child or not

v  Have a grandparent, spouse, etc. take your child to a doctor’s appointment instead of yourself as they often will do better when not with their primary caregiver

v  Try to stick to routines and be at places on time so your child doesn’t become more anxious

v  When leaving your child at daycare, school, etc. do it fairly quickly, a kiss and good-bye and then go! Sticking around to comfort a crying child is just prolonging both of your discomfort. You can always call the daycare or school in 20 minutes to see how they are and most of the time they’ll tell you that the tears stopped as soon as you were out of sight!

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

If we want our children to grow up to be able to problem solve and make good decisions then we need to give them that practice from an early age. And we mustn’t stop once they are teens but give them more opportunities to practice their decision making so that once they are under pressure in the real world they will feel confident in their own ability.

Young children should be given choices such as picking out their clothes, snacks and toys. Once children are older, add to the number of things they can choose between, in addition to giving them the knowledge they need to make the decisions. For example, teach a child about nutrition so they can make healthy snack choices and praise them when they decide to have an apple instead of a pudding. This isn’t to say that we’re going to give our children free reign on what they eat, (lord knows my own son would never choose the apple if I had) but we can let them choose what vegetable they want for dinner or what day they want to have treat night, etc.

Adolescents should be given even more choices. Think of it this way, if it’s not going to affect their health, reputation or safety then you should probably ‘bite your tongue’ and let them live with the consequences of their decision. Things like fashion, music and friends are common things that teens must make decisions about every day. They are also common irritants of parents and I’m sure they will be for many years. My daughter went through a stage that I like to call the ‘hair dye era’ and she had to colour her hair every week and she was never happy with it. I remember running to the drugstore at 9 o’clock one night to get a box of dye when a colour came out bad. My daughter learned a couple of lessons that night. 1. Sometimes your dull natural colour is exactly what you want and 2. My Mom really does have my back. That’s really the whole point isn’t it? That our kids can feel safe knowing that if they do make a bad decision that we’ll still support them.

I did leave out that in between my daughter colouring her hair an awful orange colour and me going to the store, I did let her sweat a little bit while she attempted to style her orange hair until she came up with the idea of colouring it her natural colour. While we may be tempted to swoop in and save our children every time they make a mistake, getting themselves out of a bad decision is part of the process.

It is important that your children see how you make decisions. While you wouldn’t normally talk out loud when decision making, it is a good idea to verbalize in front of your child so that they can hear your process.

“Should I buy this dress? It costs $50 which isn’t bad but what if it goes on sale? I really need it for the wedding this weekend and I don’t want to make another trip back to the mall. Maybe if it goes on sale they will reimburse the difference. I’m going to ask the salesperson and if they will then I’m going to get it.”

When dealing with a larger decision, show your child how to make a pro versus cons list.

Should we move?

Pros	Cons
Larger home	Bigger Mortgage
Nicer neighbourhood	Further from best friends
Larger yard	Kids would have to change schools
	Less cash flow available for vacations

Maybe we should wait until we have a larger down payment.

Involve your children in family decisions. Not adult decisions about marital problems! But family decisions like ‘where should we go on vacation’ and ‘what kind of dog should we get’?

My last suggestion for helping your kids make decisions is through role play. Although it may sound silly, turn it into a fun game and give your children different scenarios where they can practice making difficult decisions in a safe place. Below are just a few ideas of what scenarios you could role play, depending on your child’s age of course and don’t leave your teens out, even if they don’t want to physically act it out, you can play ‘what if’ and allow them to come up with creative solutions to the problems.

Scenarios

-         What would you do if you saw someone being bullied?

-         What would you do if you were with a friend and they shoplifted?

-         What would you do if you were handed a beer at a party?

-         What could you do if you failed your science test and you had studied hard for it?

-         What could you do to improve your ability to speak in public?

The most important thing to remember is to REMEMBER! Remember to give your child choices, remember to model different decision making processes, and remember to support your child while living with their decisions without being too quick to bail them out.

Help Your Child to Love and Appreciate Their Body

I had a heart to heart with a friend once who grew up struggling with obesity. She described how her self-esteem was hurt over and over again, even by her own family who had good intentions when they sent her to ‘fat camp’ every summer. Even if she wasn’t being called names directly, (and many times she was) she still felt an underlying insinuation from fellow classmates and even adults that there was something less than perfect about her. Every year she added on a few more pounds until finally turning to gastric bypass surgery as an adult.

My own adolescent years were also fraught with an obsession with weight, but mine was a quest for thinness, as I think it was with most teens growing up in the 80’s. Diets were cool, my friends and I were always on one.

So how do we encourage healthy eating habits, prevent our children from obsessing about the scales or tipping them and avoid the unnecessary emotional suffering that goes along with it?

While I may not have all the answers and realize that some children with extreme weight or eating issues should be seen by a doctor, the following suggestions should help in ensuring your child has a realistic outlook about their body and health.

ü  Teach your child about healthy eating, you can a free Canada’s food guide at http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/food-guide-aliment/order-commander/index-eng.php

ü  Keep fruit and vegetables accessible for your child to snack on at all times (a child needs to have some control over what and when they eat)

ü  Encourage water drinking by having ice available (my kids never drank more water than after we got the fridge with the icemaker!) and fancy straws sometimes help

ü  Involve your child in meal planning, writing grocery lists, shopping and cooking

ü  Sit down to eat meals as a family as often as you can

ü  Prevent mindless eating by keeping your child from eating at the computer or while watching tv

ü  Try not to use food as a reward or way of comforting themselves (use social rewards such as hugs, tangible rewards such as a new book or an activity like a trip to the library)

ü  Encourage good eating habits and exercise by being a good model yourself

ü  If you’re struggling with a weight problem yourself, don’t allow your child to hear you talk negatively about your own body or about your fight to lose weight

ü  Talk positively about your own body and your child’s body. Talk about how great you feel, how thankful you are that you can perform certain activities, how strong your child is, how fast they can run, etc.

ü  Focus on your child’s good qualities and the good qualities of others more than their looks.

ü  Encourage regular physical activity; a daily walk, chores around the home, dancing to music, extracurricular activities or sports, kids yoga, interactive video games

ü  Praise your child when they choose healthy snacks, when they say great things about themselves and their bodies, when they exercise, when they say nice things about others

ü  As far as junk food goes, I have nothing against it, but try to save it for special occasions or a weekly ‘splurge’ night, so it doesn’t lose its appeal and become a regular ‘snack’

The World of Fostering

I had a nice chat last night with a young man, now nineteen, who use to live with us when he was in foster care. It warms my heart that he still thinks of us as family and it solidifies to me the importance of foster parents. Although it’s not always a perfect system, there are many great foster parents out there that make a difference in the lives of children each and every day.

When I first became interested in fostering, I thought it would be fairly easy. Just provide children with a safe home, love and understanding and they will thrive was my thinking. And while this is partially true, the children that came to us had way more ‘going on’ then I had anticipated and the requirements of a foster parent go beyond every day routines.

Our first young lad had been diagnosed with ADD and severe psoriasis which was aggravated with stress, so you can imagine that going into foster care caused a significant break out which required medicated creams and special baths every day. We eventually discovered that he was also hearing impaired after thinking for a while that he was just choosing to ignore us!

We also discovered the paperwork side of fostering. Writing notes for plans of care, making appointments, writing incident reports whenever something happens to the child, registering for school, coordinating recreation schedules with access visit schedules (this is when the child goes to see their Biological family), taking forms to medical appointments and attending meetings with the Children’s Aid Society. Once you get the hang of it, it’s not as bad as it sounds, but definitely takes some organizational skills!

Our second foster son (the young man I spoke about above) came to us temporarily, three months, we all thought, but that day came and went, and five years later he had become part of our family even though he was moved to an adolescent home. His time with us wasn’t always smooth sailing, it had its ups and downs but overall it wasn’t much different than raising our children once we had the hang of the paperwork and procedures.

We stopped fostering after six years when I went back to work full time and now, four and a half years later, I find myself working for a foster agency where I have the utmost respect for our foster parents and compassion for the children. So much so that my husband and I have decided to delve back into the world of fostering and become relief foster parents doing weekend respite care.

Questions I often get asked about being a Foster Parent:

Don’t you find it hard to give up the children when they go home?

Yes, at times, it is difficult, especially when a child has been with you for a really long time. The CAS takes Foster Parents into consideration though and often a plan for visitation can be arranged after the child moves.

Do foster parents get paid?

In Ontario Foster parents are provided with a ‘per diem’ this is a daily rate that is tax free and varies depending on whether you foster for the CAS or for a treatment foster agency. The per diem is meant to reimburse Foster Parents for the cost of food, shelter and transportation. The agency usually provides foster children with an allowance, money for clothing and recreation as well.

Can my foster children come to church with me?

While a child has the right to religion and the right to decline attending church, most of the time children, especially young ones, enjoy attending Sunday school and other church programs. You can express your concerns to the agency you foster with and they will do their best to find a good match with your family when placing a child. A child that doesn’t want to attend church can always stay with someone else while the family attends.

What can I expect when a child first moves into our home? And how can I help them to settle?

Children react differently to coming into care depending on their experience and personality. While some children may find the separation from their biological family very traumatic, others may be relieved to be removed from an unhealthy situation. Either way, the child is going to need your support and reassurance that they are in a safe place and are going to be okay. Provide the child with a tour of the home, introduce your family, and show them their room. Help them to unpack their things and give them space in the washroom for their toothbrush. It’s always good to have a night light in their room (even older children appreciate this even if they don’t say so), lots of cozy blankets and a teddy bear that they can call their own. Last but not least, let them know that they can wake you up in the middle of the night if they are scared and tell them what they can expect for their morning routine.

What are the requirements to be a Foster Parent?

In Ontario, you must have a clear police record, no prior involvement with CAS, and be able to provide suitable housing for a child. A child requires their own bed and cannot share a room with an adult or someone of the opposite sex unless they are under the age of six. The bedroom itself must have a window and be of adequate size. A person must also be able to provide letters of reference and a medical clearance from a family physician. In addition to the above, the ideal candidate will have prior experience and/or education relating to childhood development and behaviour management, in addition to a love for children.

Learning Styles

There has been a real emphasis on learning styles not only for children but adults as well. If you Google ‘learning styles’ you will find some quizzes to determine your own style and also ones for kids. The importance of knowing what your child’s learning style is that you will be able to help them learn quicker and easier at home and be able to advocate for them at school. We utilize all of the styles in some way but usually we will prefer one or two for the bulk of our learning.

There are several different learning styles but for children, the main ones are:

·         Visual - learning by seeing

·         Visual/Reader - learning by reading and/or writing

·         Auditory - learning by hearing and talking

·         Kinesthetic - learning by doing

Children when they are very young, learning by touching and exploring, this is ‘kinesthetic’ learning. I myself find that by doing things I will remember them better. For example, when I am a passenger in a car, I am less likely to remember how to get somewhere than if I drive there myself. Children who learn by doing, should be provided with ‘hands on activities’ such as science experiments, blocks to manipulate and count when learning math and given projects over essays when they have a choice.

Auditory learners do better when they can talk about the topic they are learning about. Discussions, books on tape, oral presentations and teaching others can assist in their ability to learn.

Visual learners do best with diagrams, pictures, and watching movies. While visual readers do best with taking notes, making lists and reading articles.

While my oldest child learns best by actually ‘doing’ my youngest prefers to write things down like myself and then there’s my middle child who is musically inclined and learns best through auditory processes. I have used this knowledge to help my children when studying for tests. My kinesthetic learner will draw pictures when studying, my visual/reader learner writes out answers and my auditory learner gets me to quiz her.

While a good teacher will try to make sure they use all of these styles when teaching a topic, it’s still important that parents let their child’s teacher know what style helps them to be most successful.

The Bedwetting Blues

Bedwetting is something that I’ve seen children (and parents) struggle with and something that I’ve learned is a way more common problem than we may think for children, and even teens.

If your child is toilet trained during the day but struggling to stay dry at night, then you will want to rule out a possible bladder infection or any other health problems. Your family physician will likely test a urine sample for bacteria and provide antibiotics if it tests positive. They may also test for glucose to rule out diabetes. If those are negative they may perform an ultrasound on the bladder to rule out any abnormalities, especially if your child is older. At times enuresis (bedwetting) can be an emotional response to changes in the child’s life or past trauma. If you suspect this to be the case, don’t hesitate to find therapy for your child.

Bedwetting can run in the family. If you or your spouse had difficulty staying dry at night then your child just may need time as well to grow out of the problem. In the meantime, don’t ever punish your child for wetting their bed but support them and try the following strategies.

•  You can use Pull Ups to avoid having to change sheets every night and interrupt your child’s sleep but please note that children can become dependent on them so every now and then try your child without them to see if they can make it through the night

• Make sure your child isn’t drinking a lot before bed, but don’t deny them a few sips of water

• Have them use the washroom before bed and then get them up to use the washroom again before you go to bed for the night

•   If your child is going for a sleepover or camp, then speak with an adult about your child’s problem so that they can help them put on a pull up or remind them to use the washroom to avoid being embarrassed

• A reward chart can be used to encourage your child. Reward them for following the strategies, not for staying dry, as that is out of their control

• Finally, stay calm and try not to let your child’s bedwetting impair their self-esteem by letting them know that they are normal and not alone in their struggle to stay dry.

Road Trip

Having a family a couple hours away, my children have gotten used to being in a car for fairly long periods of time since they were babies. We’ve even been so brave as to travel places 20 hours away like Nova Scotia and Florida by car (well, minivan with dvd player!). This is not to say that our trips have always been smooth sailing, ever tried to breastfeed an infant while they’re strapped in a car seat? Not an easy task, we ended up pulling over. But all in all, we’ve had some fun times while in the car and saved ourselves a pretty penny on airfare!

Tips for travelling long distances with children:

§  Bring pillows and blankets and test them out prior to make sure your child is comfortable enough to have a good sleep

§  Try to maintain your child’s routine i.e. mealtimes, play times, nap times, etc.

§  Have a time for sing-a-longs, quiet time, story times, etc. (some of my children’s favourite memories are when I told them scary stories about the corn fields we passed)

§  Use cups with lids to avoid spills

§  Pack snacks that aren’t too messy like rice Krispy squares, apple slices, raisins, tiny sandwiches (without the crust so you don’t have to throw it away), cheese strings, kielbasa, sliced hardboiled egg whites and trail mix (my favourite)

§  A cooler (the ones that plug into your cigarette lighter are great) to pack sandwiches, formula, etc.

§  Try to coordinate drive times with your child’s nap or bedtime

§  Purchase items from the dollar store and wrap them and let your child unwrap one every hour, or every town, etc.

§  My favourite toy items are magnet boards and games, colouring or doodling books, iPods or Nintendo ds, etch a sketch, embroidery thread bracelet making kits, small stuffed animals

§  Give older children a list of the towns that you’ll be driving through so they can cross them off as you go through

§  Allow the kids to get out of the car at every stop to stretch their legs

§  Give children a map so they can follow along the route and mark pit stops on it

§  Take lots of pictures and remember that the trip to where you are going is part of the adventure!

Raise a Resilient Child

Today I had a great conversation about relationships with a bunch of people. We talked about how our own childhood shaped who we are as people today whether we care to admit it or not. When asked by someone if I had ever had the experience where I realized that I was turning into my own parent, I said that I certainly did. I clearly remember sweeping the floor and yelling to my child to “get out of my dirt pile” and then I gasped and said “I’ve turned into my Mother!” because that’s something that I remember her always saying. Not that my Mom isn’t great, but I don’t think any of us want to become our parents. Why is that? And is there a way that we can avoid having our own children fear that they will become us? Sure my seven year old may aspire to be me, but will I be able to say that ten years from now? Probably not, hee hee.

A few of us had grown up in households that weren’t always functional; divorce, emotional abuse, addiction and strict parenting, were some of the issues we identified among us. But the thing is…we turned out just fine, which makes me think that as parents we need to cut ourselves some slack and know that we don’t have to be perfect in order to raise happy confident children.

Something that I attribute to those who can bounce back from adversity is resiliency. I’ve been reading more on this subject lately and some ways that we can develop this trait in children.

v  Children need to feel that they are smart. You may be thinking, that’s easy, I tell my child they are smart all the time, but do they feel successful? For a child struggling at school or watching their brothers and sisters bring home A’s when they struggle to get B’s, they might not being feeling as smart as we hope. The key is to find your child’s strengths and learning style. (Future blog on learning styles to come!) It is important to share this information with your child’s teacher but also to find activities outside of school that your child can feel good about too.

v  Children should be able to identify that they belong to something larger than themselves. This can be through teaching them about the importance of family, community and/ or spirituality. By having a connection to something larger than themselves, they develop empathy and a desire to help others which keeps them to keep their own troubles in perspective.

v  A child needs to feel supported, cared about and respected. By ensuring that our children have meaningful relationships with a variety of people, they are much more likely to feel important and loved. Encourage your child to spend time with extended family and friends in order to develop close relationships with people other than just their parents. If something ever happens to you, you want to know that your child feels safe with someone else.

Remember, even if our own children can check off the list above, there are many kids out there that can’t. Reach out to a child that needs a little extra attention. A kind or encouraging word can make all the difference in a child’s day and could be remembered for a lifetime.