The World of Fostering

I had a nice chat last night with a young man, now nineteen, who use to live with us when he was in foster care. It warms my heart that he still thinks of us as family and it solidifies to me the importance of foster parents. Although it’s not always a perfect system, there are many great foster parents out there that make a difference in the lives of children each and every day.

When I first became interested in fostering, I thought it would be fairly easy. Just provide children with a safe home, love and understanding and they will thrive was my thinking. And while this is partially true, the children that came to us had way more ‘going on’ then I had anticipated and the requirements of a foster parent go beyond every day routines.

Our first young lad had been diagnosed with ADD and severe psoriasis which was aggravated with stress, so you can imagine that going into foster care caused a significant break out which required medicated creams and special baths every day. We eventually discovered that he was also hearing impaired after thinking for a while that he was just choosing to ignore us!

We also discovered the paperwork side of fostering. Writing notes for plans of care, making appointments, writing incident reports whenever something happens to the child, registering for school, coordinating recreation schedules with access visit schedules (this is when the child goes to see their Biological family), taking forms to medical appointments and attending meetings with the Children’s Aid Society. Once you get the hang of it, it’s not as bad as it sounds, but definitely takes some organizational skills!

Our second foster son (the young man I spoke about above) came to us temporarily, three months, we all thought, but that day came and went, and five years later he had become part of our family even though he was moved to an adolescent home. His time with us wasn’t always smooth sailing, it had its ups and downs but overall it wasn’t much different than raising our children once we had the hang of the paperwork and procedures.

We stopped fostering after six years when I went back to work full time and now, four and a half years later, I find myself working for a foster agency where I have the utmost respect for our foster parents and compassion for the children. So much so that my husband and I have decided to delve back into the world of fostering and become relief foster parents doing weekend respite care.

Questions I often get asked about being a Foster Parent:

Don’t you find it hard to give up the children when they go home?

Yes, at times, it is difficult, especially when a child has been with you for a really long time. The CAS takes Foster Parents into consideration though and often a plan for visitation can be arranged after the child moves.

Do foster parents get paid?

In Ontario Foster parents are provided with a ‘per diem’ this is a daily rate that is tax free and varies depending on whether you foster for the CAS or for a treatment foster agency. The per diem is meant to reimburse Foster Parents for the cost of food, shelter and transportation. The agency usually provides foster children with an allowance, money for clothing and recreation as well.

Can my foster children come to church with me?

While a child has the right to religion and the right to decline attending church, most of the time children, especially young ones, enjoy attending Sunday school and other church programs. You can express your concerns to the agency you foster with and they will do their best to find a good match with your family when placing a child. A child that doesn’t want to attend church can always stay with someone else while the family attends.

What can I expect when a child first moves into our home? And how can I help them to settle?

Children react differently to coming into care depending on their experience and personality. While some children may find the separation from their biological family very traumatic, others may be relieved to be removed from an unhealthy situation. Either way, the child is going to need your support and reassurance that they are in a safe place and are going to be okay. Provide the child with a tour of the home, introduce your family, and show them their room. Help them to unpack their things and give them space in the washroom for their toothbrush. It’s always good to have a night light in their room (even older children appreciate this even if they don’t say so), lots of cozy blankets and a teddy bear that they can call their own. Last but not least, let them know that they can wake you up in the middle of the night if they are scared and tell them what they can expect for their morning routine.

What are the requirements to be a Foster Parent?

In Ontario, you must have a clear police record, no prior involvement with CAS, and be able to provide suitable housing for a child. A child requires their own bed and cannot share a room with an adult or someone of the opposite sex unless they are under the age of six. The bedroom itself must have a window and be of adequate size. A person must also be able to provide letters of reference and a medical clearance from a family physician. In addition to the above, the ideal candidate will have prior experience and/or education relating to childhood development and behaviour management, in addition to a love for children.