Raise a Resilient Child

Today I had a great conversation about relationships with a bunch of people. We talked about how our own childhood shaped who we are as people today whether we care to admit it or not. When asked by someone if I had ever had the experience where I realized that I was turning into my own parent, I said that I certainly did. I clearly remember sweeping the floor and yelling to my child to “get out of my dirt pile” and then I gasped and said “I’ve turned into my Mother!” because that’s something that I remember her always saying. Not that my Mom isn’t great, but I don’t think any of us want to become our parents. Why is that? And is there a way that we can avoid having our own children fear that they will become us? Sure my seven year old may aspire to be me, but will I be able to say that ten years from now? Probably not, hee hee.

A few of us had grown up in households that weren’t always functional; divorce, emotional abuse, addiction and strict parenting, were some of the issues we identified among us. But the thing is…we turned out just fine, which makes me think that as parents we need to cut ourselves some slack and know that we don’t have to be perfect in order to raise happy confident children.

Something that I attribute to those who can bounce back from adversity is resiliency. I’ve been reading more on this subject lately and some ways that we can develop this trait in children.

v  Children need to feel that they are smart. You may be thinking, that’s easy, I tell my child they are smart all the time, but do they feel successful? For a child struggling at school or watching their brothers and sisters bring home A’s when they struggle to get B’s, they might not being feeling as smart as we hope. The key is to find your child’s strengths and learning style. (Future blog on learning styles to come!) It is important to share this information with your child’s teacher but also to find activities outside of school that your child can feel good about too.

v  Children should be able to identify that they belong to something larger than themselves. This can be through teaching them about the importance of family, community and/ or spirituality. By having a connection to something larger than themselves, they develop empathy and a desire to help others which keeps them to keep their own troubles in perspective.

v  A child needs to feel supported, cared about and respected. By ensuring that our children have meaningful relationships with a variety of people, they are much more likely to feel important and loved. Encourage your child to spend time with extended family and friends in order to develop close relationships with people other than just their parents. If something ever happens to you, you want to know that your child feels safe with someone else.

Remember, even if our own children can check off the list above, there are many kids out there that can’t. Reach out to a child that needs a little extra attention. A kind or encouraging word can make all the difference in a child’s day and could be remembered for a lifetime.