Decisions, decisions, decisions...

If we want our children to grow up to be able to problem solve and make good decisions then we need to give them that practice from an early age. And we mustn’t stop once they are teens but give them more opportunities to practice their decision making so that once they are under pressure in the real world they will feel confident in their own ability.

Young children should be given choices such as picking out their clothes, snacks and toys. Once children are older, add to the number of things they can choose between, in addition to giving them the knowledge they need to make the decisions. For example, teach a child about nutrition so they can make healthy snack choices and praise them when they decide to have an apple instead of a pudding. This isn’t to say that we’re going to give our children free reign on what they eat, (lord knows my own son would never choose the apple if I had) but we can let them choose what vegetable they want for dinner or what day they want to have treat night, etc.

Adolescents should be given even more choices. Think of it this way, if it’s not going to affect their health, reputation or safety then you should probably ‘bite your tongue’ and let them live with the consequences of their decision. Things like fashion, music and friends are common things that teens must make decisions about every day. They are also common irritants of parents and I’m sure they will be for many years. My daughter went through a stage that I like to call the ‘hair dye era’ and she had to colour her hair every week and she was never happy with it. I remember running to the drugstore at 9 o’clock one night to get a box of dye when a colour came out bad. My daughter learned a couple of lessons that night. 1. Sometimes your dull natural colour is exactly what you want and 2. My Mom really does have my back. That’s really the whole point isn’t it? That our kids can feel safe knowing that if they do make a bad decision that we’ll still support them.

I did leave out that in between my daughter colouring her hair an awful orange colour and me going to the store, I did let her sweat a little bit while she attempted to style her orange hair until she came up with the idea of colouring it her natural colour. While we may be tempted to swoop in and save our children every time they make a mistake, getting themselves out of a bad decision is part of the process.

It is important that your children see how you make decisions. While you wouldn’t normally talk out loud when decision making, it is a good idea to verbalize in front of your child so that they can hear your process.

“Should I buy this dress? It costs $50 which isn’t bad but what if it goes on sale? I really need it for the wedding this weekend and I don’t want to make another trip back to the mall. Maybe if it goes on sale they will reimburse the difference. I’m going to ask the salesperson and if they will then I’m going to get it.”

When dealing with a larger decision, show your child how to make a pro versus cons list.

Should we move?

Pros	Cons
Larger home	Bigger Mortgage
Nicer neighbourhood	Further from best friends
Larger yard	Kids would have to change schools
	Less cash flow available for vacations

Maybe we should wait until we have a larger down payment.

Involve your children in family decisions. Not adult decisions about marital problems! But family decisions like ‘where should we go on vacation’ and ‘what kind of dog should we get’?

My last suggestion for helping your kids make decisions is through role play. Although it may sound silly, turn it into a fun game and give your children different scenarios where they can practice making difficult decisions in a safe place. Below are just a few ideas of what scenarios you could role play, depending on your child’s age of course and don’t leave your teens out, even if they don’t want to physically act it out, you can play ‘what if’ and allow them to come up with creative solutions to the problems.

Scenarios

-         What would you do if you saw someone being bullied?

-         What would you do if you were with a friend and they shoplifted?

-         What would you do if you were handed a beer at a party?

-         What could you do if you failed your science test and you had studied hard for it?

-         What could you do to improve your ability to speak in public?

The most important thing to remember is to REMEMBER! Remember to give your child choices, remember to model different decision making processes, and remember to support your child while living with their decisions without being too quick to bail them out.