Everyone is an Expert

Single parent families, blended families, foster families, the list goes on...

With so many unique family situations, children are having to readjust to new environments and situations more and more. Whether it is moving into Grandma and Grandpa’s house, going between Mom and Dad’s home or moving in with a foster or step family, we have children dealing with much more complexities while trying to navigate their way through childhood than ever before.

Those who have studied psychology at some point in their life, probably learnt about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and how humans must satisfy certain needs of physiological, safety, love and belonging before working on things like esteem and then self-actualization. If you’re not familiar with this triangle, Google it or go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs for a quick overview. For children who are living in chaotic environments and have suffered abuse, we must make sure that all their prior needs are met. Are they provided for? And do they feel safe? Are questions we must ask ourselves before asking if they feel loved by their family and friends and feel confident in whom they are? Once a child has their basic needs met we must go about making a youngster see themselves as valuable and important both to us and to others. When a child has a real sense of belonging within their family, it allows them to develop confidence and be respectful of others.

There are many things that families do to establish that connection with one another and for the most part this comes from simply spending time together and knowing one another very well. If a family has a new member or change to their dynamics whether it be a new baby, divorce or added member like an Uncle moving in, we must be cognizant that these changes affect children, sometimes for the better, but not always. Things that parents can do to increase family cohesiveness is to have meals together, have movie or board game night, have a TV free night, go on a walk together or other outing on a weekly basis and do household chores together.

Another way of making a child feel connected and an important member of their family is by making them an ‘expert’. A boy that lived with us when we were fostering, loved watching the weather network and always had his ‘eye to the sky’. We embraced this interest of his by making him our ‘weather expert’. We’d ask him what we should wear that day or if we were going to need an umbrella and when it stormed, he narrated it for us. Another young man that I know through work has become our ‘bicycle expert’. He isn’t employed and has had a rough upbringing but he loves BMX biking and knows everything about bikes. When I was looking to purchase a bike for my son, he gave me tips and this past spring he held a bike tune up day at our office.

While we don’t want to ‘pigeon hole’ our children or label them, it is important to nurture their natural talents and help them to develop skills. By allowing our children to try many different activities from baking and sewing to horseback riding and cycling, we are allowing them to find things they are passionate about and are happy to share with others. This will go a long way in helping them discover not only their place in their family but their place in their world.